Cannibal Jokes Two cannibals, Handible and Elbob meet one day. Handible said, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender." Elbob asked, "What kind of Missionary do you use?" "Oh, you know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend in the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads." "Aha!" the Elbob exclaimed, "No wonder! Those are fryers!" Two cannibals sat beside a large fire, after eating the best meal they'd had in ages. "Your wife sure makes a good roast." commented the first cannibal. "Yeah," replied the second. "I'm really going to miss her..." Three men are abducted by cannibals and thrown into a hut to await their fate. The chief tells them that they will be dealt with on a one per day basis. The first day, one man is dragged out and presented with a choice. "Death or JoJo," says the chief. The man has no idea what JoJo is, but at least it can't be worse than death, so he accepts JoJo. Immediately, he is strapped naked to a tree face first and raped one by one by all the cannibals. Torn and bleeding, he is thrown into the hut after that, where he pleads to his companions, "Don't accept JoJo, accept death." The second man is dragged out the second day and presented with the same choice. With his partner's condition still fresh in his mind, he is very afraid but thinks that at least the guy survived. Hence he also opts for JoJo. He gets raped again and again and is thrown back into the hut looking twice as bad as his first partner. The third person is scared out of his wits. When asked the third day, he immediately selects death. The chief nods and passes the sentence "Death by JoJo" A cannibal and his son are wandering through the desert and have not eaten in days. They come upon an oasis and decide to camp in the bushes till someone comes. The next morning they awake to see a beautiful woman bathing in the waterfall. As the father watches the water cascade off her body, he is aware of his son at his side. The boy says " I'm hungry dad, lets eat." The father replies "This specimen is too good too eat." The boy grumbles that they have not eaten for days and he is really hungry. The father says he has a plan. The boy is overjoyed that he will soon eat, so he asks what the plan is... The father says" We sneak up to the edge of the clearing, and when she comes out of the water, we kidnap her, take her home and Eat Your Mother. A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through. The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?" And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal! Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?" When do cannibals leave the table? When everyone's eaten. what is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? A celebrity roast. Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture? Eatin' Allen's. What did the cannibal give his wife for Valentine's Day? A box of farmer's fannies. What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts. What do cannibals make out of politicians? Baloney sandwiches. What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? The cold shoulder. What is a cannibal's favorite game? Swallow the leader. Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant? Dinner costs an arm and a leg. Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food? He ordered a pizza with everybody on it. Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school for buttering up his teacher? Cannibal: One who loves his fellow man with gravy. Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man. One cannibal to another: I never met a man I didn't like. Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law." The 2nd replies, "So, try the potatoes. The first cannibal asked the 2nd cannibal, "Aren't you done eating yet?" The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm on my last leg now." One day a cannibal visited the neighboring island of cannibals. There, people cost $2 but politicians cost $25. The visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians cost so much?" The chief answered, "Do you know how hard it is to clean one of those?" It's been a hard year in the jungle, so when these two cannibals finally catch this one missionary they have a discussion about how they are going to each receive fair share. They finally reach the conclusion that they will start on opposite ends and met in the middle. After engaging in the meal the one cannibal ask the other: "How you doing down there?" Second cannibal replies: "I having a ball!" "No, no!" screamed the first cannibal, "you are eating too fast!" Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?" The other missionary said, "I just peed in the soup!"