2) An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie
detector.
The Englishman says:
I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer;.
BUZZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
OK, he says, ;10 bottles;. And the machine is silent.
The American says: ;I think I can eat 15 hamburgers;.
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
OK, he says, 8 hamburgers;. And the machine is silent.
The Sardarji says: ;I think...;, BUZZZZZZ, goes the machine.


3) Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed. What
happened?; asked Surjit.
Yaar, I lost Rs 800 in a bet yesterday.;
How come?;
Well, yesterday the one-day match between India and England was being
shown live on TV. I bet Rs 500 that India would win, but I lost the bet.
But thats only Rs 500, where did the rest go? said Surjit Singh.
Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!;

4) A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him
what had happened to his ears and he answered, I was ironing a shirt and
the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked
up the iron and stuck it to my ear.
Oh Dear! the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
But ... what happened to the other ear?
The scoundrel called back.

5) Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and
throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it
away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
Oye, I am only following the instructions following questions in brief'.


6) Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked
him how did he do his exam, for that he replied ,Exam was okay, but for
the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought and at last I wrote
THUNK


7) Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave
the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up
when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for
20 rupees,the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell
asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he
saw the mirror. Said his wife:"What's the matter? Replied he "The cheat on
the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else."

8) There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All
the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and
general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that
instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So
one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya
hai aur aap naach rahe ho?
Comes the reply,'Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!'
Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!


9) So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana
peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking?
Saala aaj bhi girna padega...

10) One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour. They saw
one sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill
some form.
So the couple enquired eagerly ;aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho.
Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate
form. The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for
their next destination. On the next day, they find the same Sardarji, in
front of lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.
So once again young couple curiously asked "Aare Sardarji kya kar raahe
ho sardarji once again replied I had a baby and I am filling the birth
certificate form.
The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the
same form, how come you're in Delhi?
Sardarji cooly replied Aare ye form mein leekha hey ke FILL IN CAPITALS.


HOW TO INSTANTLY RECOGNIZE A SARDAR
You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
* puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
* gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
* sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
* tries to drown a fish in water.
* thinks socialism means partying.
* trips over a cordless phone.
* takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts
"Sagittarius."
* studies for a blood test and fails.
* sells the car for gas money.
* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
* drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns
around and goes home.
* gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"

Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve
pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular
one?
You have to hollow out the head.

SARDAR'S BMW
BMW cars were having back mounted engines earlier.
Sardar Hari Singh Purchased a new BMW and was driving back to home very happily.
On the way the car broke down. Sardarji came out of the car and opened the
bonnet, trying to fix up the problem. Immediately began to sweat. By that time
Sardar Gani Singh came by that way and saw our sardarji, totally confused and
sweating, trying to search something inside the bonnet, and asked him what was
the matter.
Hari Singh: "The BMW people made me fool. They have given me the Car without the
engine."
Gani Singh: "Don't worry. I have spare engine in the back of my BMW.
You can take that."

TO LOOSE WEIGHT...
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he
would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to
report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

SPARE BOMB
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with the Indian Govt and
decided to blow
up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the
front seat of their
car and set off. Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs blast off
now". Gani Singh
says "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"

COUNT THE CHICKEN
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a country road.
Hari Singh carried a burlap bag over his shoulder.
"Hey Bhai," Gani Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply.
"If I guess how many, can I have one?"
"You can have both of them."
"OK, Five?"

ANOTHER COUNT!
Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a
manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you
jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?"
The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can
let you go under there and find out.
He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says,
"Okay."
The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the
manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87, 87"...

EMPLOYMENT?
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled
the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary
Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he
wrote : Yes

AT INDO-PAK WAR
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing
everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend
from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani
forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the
battle but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar
dani! (mosquito net) He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The
pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His freinds
ask him "Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies
"Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan
se ghussenghi?
In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh (No Assumptions
Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout,
the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani
Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did
but instead gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre
bap me tho itni akal thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga
chale gaya" Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha"!

HEIGHTS OF REVENGE
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to
spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he
tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn,
guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem
remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand.
He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so
ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his
hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get
into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But
unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush
is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad
condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He
says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ?
I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but
you've got a *driver.*"

CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR
Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted
the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got
into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old
lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the
side seat. But the sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and
shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air
hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was
adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He
also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came.
He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly
left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess
and the asst. capt. asked the capt. what he told to the sardarji. Capt.
replied: "nothing.I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All
others will go to Jalandhar."

SARDAR THIEF
Banta Singh was shifting his residence. He was packing his belongings. By
midnight he was too tired and dozed off with the house door open.
A sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables. Banta Singh found it very
amusing; the thief was doing the job for him!
"When this smart guy finishes packing, I will catch him". Banta was a hefty guy;
so when the burglar finished packing, Banta Singh jumped on him and tied him up.
Then he went to the police station and reported the matter.
"What did you do to the thief"?
"I tied his hands; you come and collect him".
"I hope you tied his legs too".
Banta Singh felt a cold feeling in his spine; he had forgotten about
the legs. He sat
down for a while. Then he cheered up and said,
"Inspector Sab, the thief, he will still be there".
"How do you know"?
"Well, that fellow is also a Sardarji".

KHALISTAN JOKES
Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.
Khalistan National Bird: Tandoori Chicken.
International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.
National Airline: Itthe Pacific.
National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-a ..........
National Taxi Service: Kar Seva.
National song: Bande marte hum.
Female terrorist: Hard Kaur.
National dish: AKALI-DAAL.
Sikh scuba diver: JULL-UNDER SINGH.
Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.

PROFESSOR SARDAR
Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a subject on
which no one did any research before!
As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He
decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
He picked the roach and put it in the centre of the table and said:
"Run". The roach ran.
He pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and
said: "Run". The roach ran.
He pulled one more leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and
said:"Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had just one
leg.
He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and
said: "Run". The roach could not!
Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis: "When
you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear anymore".

COLOR TV
Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

CROCODILE BOOTS
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile
boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made,
they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks
over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again*
barefeet!"

LONG FLIGHT
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
" Just a sec," comes an answer
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!

TRAIN TO LUDHIANA
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.